All By Myself
by Raxacoricofallapatorius
Summary: Angsty songfic to John Barrowman's 'All By Myself' Please read and review.


**OK, here's the angsty one, quite short and took a while to bring myself to write it. And it's usually better when you listen to the song as you read, I find it helps to get into the story...but that's just me**

**Disclaimer: Don't own the song (which is 'All By Myself' by the wonderful John Barrowman) or The Doctor, or anything to do with those people and the show...it's a cruel world**

**Set after 'The Runaway Bride' and I'm sorry if it's a teensy tiny bit naff and short, but I kind of rushed it because I didn't want to upset myself, and mainly because I think I can write fluff better than angst.**

**Thank You to Lady Timelord for beta'ing, don't know what I'd do without her :)

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She was gone. He didn't know what to do except sit there and cry silently, while holding a photograph of her in his hand. The photograph was of him and her together on some random planet. He had spent ages showing the alien how to operate the device, with it almost ending up broken. In the photo, he had his arm around her shoulders and she had her head on his chest, they were both looking at the camera and laughing hysterically, Rose couldn't control herself after she had seen the look on the aliens face as the flash went off.

He shook his head; they were nothing but memories now...painful memories. He had tried every possible way of getting back to her...even considered poking another hole in the void but the TARDIS hadn't let him, telling him it wasn't worth destroying the universe and he had shouted for a bit when that had happened. Rose was worth every possible effort and he wasn't going to move on that quickly, if at all, he would _never_ forget her.

He thought about how she had found the way into his hearts, found the way like no one had ever done before.

_When I was young  
I never needed anyone  
And __making love was just for fun  
Those days are gone_

He remembered back to when he was younger; he hadn't needed anyone back then. Carefree and always moving on... leaving Gallifrey and everyone behind to travel and explore in a stolen TARDIS. He now wished he had spent more time on Gallifrey, he wished he had had more time with Rose and even more importantly, he wished he had had more time to say goodbye.

_Living alone  
I think of all the friends I've known  
And when I dial the telephone  
Nobody's home_

He was alone. Again. That's always how it ended up. His companion would either leave, die, or be taken away from him. The latter being the case with Rose. He knew her phone wouldn't work; he had tried it before he sat down as a last little piece of hope, this one tiny idea had arrived to him and the universe had let him down again. It was like the universe wanted him to be alone, as punishment for his actions in the Time War. But he didn't understand that, he had saved the universe hadn't he? 

_  
All by myself  
__Don't wanna be  
All by myself anymore  
All by myself  
Don't wanna live  
All by myself anymore  
_

He had to get her back, he needed her. His life depended on it. He would never be fully whole again until he had her back in his arms. He couldn't stand being alone anymore. He was OK when he was off saving some remote and far off world, but when he was sat alone like he was now, there was nothing to save _him_ from his memories and feelings.

_  
Hard to be sure  
Some times I feel so insecure  
And love so distant and obscure  
Remains the cure_

She could, and did save him, her presence could light up the darkest room and she could cheer up the saddest person. Her compassion, innocence and ability to forgive anyone for anything simply overwhelmed him. _  
_

_  
All by myself  
__Don't wanna be  
All by myself anymore  
All by myself  
Don't wanna live  
All by myself anymore_

It wasn't fair, why should he always be alone? What had he done to deserve it? Rose was gone and he didn't think he could take any more loss, he'd lost his planet, Rose and countless other lives he'd failed to save. The TARDIS hummed, perhaps trying to cheer him up with some kind words of sympathy, but right now he was deaf to anything but his own anguished thoughts, and considering the size of his brain there were a lot of those thoughts swirling around right now.

_When I was young  
I never needed anyone  
And making love was just for fun  
Those days are gone_

_All by myself  
Don't wanna be  
All by myself anymore  
All by myself  
Don't wanna live  
All by myself anymore_

He pushed the bad thoughts aside for now as he contemplated any possibilities that she could come back to him. Hadn't she said she was working for Torchwood? Well if that institute was as nosy as its parallel version then she might be in with a chance. The TARDIS gave a particularly loud hum which the Doctor took to mean "Pull yourself together" and, after a minute's contemplation, he thought she was right. He shouldn't mope around; there were worlds and galaxies to save. Yes, he should remember her, treasure the memories, but he shouldn't sit here and waste away when he had a good few hundred years left in him. He would just live in hope, the hope of seeing his beautiful, golden Rose once more and there was a teensy niggling bit of knowledge somewhere in the back of his mind that he would.

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**Bit of an abrupt ending but there we go. Not my best piece of writing but please review, it'll make me happy D**


End file.
